The Journal
by Cthulhus-Orchid
Summary: Jacob should have never let his curiosity get the best of him. This is a Bella/Edward pairing in the beginning, but transforms into Bella/Jacob. Rated M for later chapters. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! :
1. Chapter 1

***Note:** _So, here's the new thing i'm starting on. It's a Twilight fanfic. Please review and let me know what you think. Hope you enjoy it._

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight, or Twilight related. All of those credits are property of Stephanie Meyer.**

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-Chapter 1- "Busted"

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Bella Swan woke up on a sunny Saturday morning to something, or someone, knocking on her bedroom door. Groaning in frustration, she pulled the covers over her head and turned over on her side.

Again the knocking interrupted her attempts of falling back into a comatose sleep. Annoyed she flung the covers off of her body, squinted her eyes shut against the sun's harsh light and screamed "NO!"

The knocking seemed to cease, and she smiled sleepily and rolled back over once again drifting lazily back into slumber. Her eyes flew open five minutes later to a crunching sound.

"Oh, my god!" she moaned.

"That's what she said," she heard an amused voice reply.

Opening one eye she looked to the foot of her bed to see a tall male standing there. He wore vintage jeans, a dark green t-shirt, and had a half eaten apple clutched in his right hand. His dark hair hung past his shoulders and was tucked securely behind his ears.

She didn't know what was blinding her more....the sunlight or the fluorescent white smile that Jacob Black was flashing at her.

"Jaaaaake!" she whined.

Jacob took another chunk out of his apple and used a finger to stop a drop of apple juice that ran down his chin, then wiped it on his denim clad leg.

"I'm loving how this morning is going...you've moaned for me and said my name. It's going to be a good day," he teased.

Bella sighed in defeat.

Jacob was here...meaning that sleeping was_ not_ going to be an option for Bella.

Sitting up, she raked her hands through her dark hair and rubbed her eyes which were crusted from sleep. She flung her legs over the side of her bed and attempted to stand up while still half asleep.

Jacob stood there amused and continued to crunch on his apple.

Bella turned to him and put her hands on her hips,

"Do you have to chew so loudly? I'm pretty sure it's causing earthquakes in some countries."

Jacob gave a short laugh and continued to annoy Bella with his horse-like chomping. Then he reached over and ruffled her hair. As if it weren't already tangled enough from her rambunctious sleeping habits.

Brushing her hair sure was going to be fun this morning.

"Sexy..." Jacob said slowly staring at Bella with her purple polka dot pajamas on and hair in every direction imaginable.

"Jake gross!" Bella said touching her hair and wrinkling her nose when she felt the apple juice that was now in her hair, "now my hair's all sticky."

Jacob snorted, "That's what she-"

"SHUT UP!" Bella interrupted putting her hand up, "i'm going to shower."

Jacob's eyes went wide, and he walked up behind Bella.

"Me too!" Jacob said excitedly, "i'm filthy."

Bella turned to him, and leaned on the doorway of the bathroom. Looking at Jacob nearly made her burst out laughing. The way he was grinning like a child, with an apple core in his hand, and his long hair falling in his face in places.

"Unfortunately Jacob Black, you're the kind of filthy that a shower can't fix," Bella teased.

And she closed the door before he had a chance to retaliate.

Bella turned the lock on the bathroom door until she heard the reassuring "click" that let her know that Jacob wouldn't be joining her...not even by "accident".

She turned to the mirror and studied herself. Her hair was defintely a sight; it looked like she'd been electrocuted.

Lifting her hand, she pinched a section of hair between her index finger and thumb and attempted to run her fingers down the length of her hair, but her fingers got stuck half-way.

The apple residue felt like glue.

Rolling her eyes, she turned to the shower and adjusted the water. She threw off her pajamas and stepped in, letting the warm water drench her skin causing a tingle to go through her toes.

As she washed her hair, she began to wonder what Jacob wanted to do today. Every Saturday, they would do something. Whether it was simply watching a movie on the couch while clutching a bowl of popcorn, or going out to see what was happening at La Push.

Edward knew that she spent her Saturdays with Jacob, and he, being the overly understanding boyfriend that he is, didn't mind. Sometimes she wished that Edward would come along, but she knew that the treaty didn't allow such things. It was probably for the best, considering that at one time, Bella thought she may have feelings for Jacob; it was no secret that he had feelings for her.

That would be a great thing for Edward to read in Jacob's mind.

Bella shut off the water and stepped from the shower onto the mat that was on the floor. She grabbed a towel, dried herself, and began to dry her hair.

***Jacob's POV***

I smiled as Bella stumbled to the bathroom, and shut the door firmly behind her. I nearly snorted with laughter when I heard her turn the lock to keep me out.

As if that would stop me if I _really_ wanted in.

The shower water roared from behind the bathroom door, and I could hear Bella pull the shower curtain closed. I tried desperately not to imagine her slipping out of her pjs and into the cascading water.

I let out a sigh, and walked over to her bedroom window to glance absent mindedly outside.

The sun was trying desperately to peek out from behind the ever present clouds of Forks; otherwise known as the wettest place in America.

The ground was slightly damp from the rainfall yesterday...the warm summer air was doing a pretty good job of drying things out. For now anyway.

I took one last bite from the apple in my hand, lifted Bella's window, and threw the core outside. A summer breeze blew in through the window, ruffling the pages of books on Bella's desk. I closed the window before anything blew outside.

The day was nice, and I figured that Bella and I could go for a walk.

I looked back at the bathroom door when I heard the water shut off, but then rolled my eyes when after a few seconds the hairdryer came on.

"Women," I muttered, and sat down on the edge of Bella's bed.

I looked around her room. Pictures of her mom were tacked on a bulletin board above her desk; along with pictures of me, her, La Push...and Edward.

The bloodsucker.

I frowned in distaste. What did she see in him anyway?

Then my eyes came to a notebook that lay open on her desk.

"It must have blown open when I opened the window," I thought and reached out to close it. That's when I noticed that "Journal" was written in cursive across the front cover.

I looked over my shoulder at the bathroom door. The sound of the hairdryer was still going steady from the other side of the door.

"This is wrong, I definitely shouldn't be reading this....it could have bloodsucker fantasies written in it," I muttered to myself quietly while scrunching my nose.

Deciding that my curiosity was greater than the risk of seeing vampire erotica, I began to read the page that the wind had blown the journal to.

_...and I love Edward, but sometimes i'm just not sure how everything will work. I have a hard time trying to decide if i'm actually in love with him, or if i'm just comfortable with him. I've never actually HAD a boyfriend...so how do I know i'm in love with the first one?_

Jacob raised his eyebrows, "So she does have doubts about the leech." he said absently, and continued to read.

_Then there's Jacob. He's my best friend, and I know this...but sometimes I wonder if it would work between us. I had a dream about him the other night...and i'm sure that Edward heard me say Jacob's name because he did look at me weird when I woke up._

Jacob was now holding his breath. He immediately felt a bit guilty about reading such private things, but he was so curious to know what the dream was about...he couldn't help himself. He also didn't hear the hairdryer turn off.

_The dream was something that I shoudn't have had. It was of Jacob doing things to me that I should be dreaming about Edward doing. And as guilty as I feel about it all, I realized that I wouldn't mind-_

"JACOB BLACK!" a scream caused Jacob to jump nearly out of his skin.

Jacob turned quickly around to see Bella wrapped in a towel, her dry hair hanging in waves down over her shoulders. Her face was not a happy one.

"Oh, hey Bells!" I stammered, throwing the journal back onto the desk and standing up quickly. Bella narrowed her eyes.

"What do you think you are doing?! Were you reading my journal?!" she fumed.

"NO! No, I opened the window and it blew open, I didn't read anything, I had just picked it up when you came out," Jacob said nervously.

Bella squinted her eyes even more...her face red with anger.

"Busted," Jacob thought to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

***Note: **_Alright, here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. I'd LOVE to see some reviews!!! :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own/claim to own anything Twilight or Twilight related. So don't sue me!!! lol**

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-Chapter 2- "A Tiny White Lie"

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"Jacob...I swear...if you're lying to me..." Bella began through gritted teeth.

Jacob's mind was racing. He felt bad for lying to her, but knowing Bella she'd hate him for weeks if he told her the truth. Jacob decided that it was best to lie to her...considering the circumstances of course.

"Bella, really...I opened the window and the papers and books on your desk flew around, jeez," Jacob replied in a defensive voice.

"There," Jacob thought to himself, "that wasn't a lie. I really did open the window, and the papers really did fly around, so that wasn't a lie at all."

Bella continued to glare at Jacob, and Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Of _course_ she wouldn't believe me!" He thought and continued to stare back at a unhappy Bella. It was at that time that Jacob realized that Bella was hardly dressed, actually...she wasn't dressed at all.

The towel that she had wrapped around her barely skimmed her thighs, leaving those creamy legs of her's exposed. He let his eyes slide slowly over her body, and secretly wished that he had telekinetic powers so he could move that towel away from her.

"Uh-oh" Jacob thought, and swallowed hard. There was a tingling warmth forming below his waistline; the same tingling warmth that he had when he was all alone and thinking of Bella.

"Shame on you, Little Jacob! Shame on you!" he mentally chastised himself, and glanced quickly down at his crotch. This was definitely not the time or place to be thinking about "extra-curricular activities".

Right now he was blatantly checking Bella out, and there was no doubt in his mind that she would eventually notice. Right now, he didn't care...he had never seen her in such little clothing. He was a guy, he couldn't help it.

Almost as if on cue, Bella's face went from angry, to surprised, to embarrassed. Bella cleared her throat nervously and clutched the tiny white towel tighter. God how Jacob wanted to be that towel.

"STOP IT!" Jacob continued to scold himself.

Now her eyes, which had been staring Jacob down furiously, were darting around the room and unable to look in his direction. She shifted her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably.

"Jake, I believe you," Bella began, "but um, I have to get dressed so..."

"Yeah, sorry," Jacob said quickly and turned to her bedroom door, he opened it quickly, nearly jerking it from the hinges, and practically ran from the room.

Bella stood there, her face burning. Her lip was wedged in between her teeth as she chewed on it nervously.

"Idiot," she said smacking herself in the head, "who walks out in front of a male teenager in a towel?!"

Truth was, she hadn't been thinking when she walked out. She had peeked out from behind the door to see if Jacob was still in her bedroom because she had forgotten to bring clothes into the bathroom with her. Probably because she was half asleep and irritated Jacob's horse chewing.

When she had seen him with the journal she knew she had to act quickly, and had came into the room to stop him before he had read anything _too_ private. A towel was all she had to cover herself with.

Bella was praying that he didn't read the entry about the dream she had recently had. If Jacob found out, she'd be totally mortified.

She thought about the look that was in Jacob's eyes. It wasn't a look she had ever really seen before; at least not in Jacob's. She'd seen it in Mike Newton's eyes a few times.

Sighing, she went to the closet and began to pick out some clothes.

Her wardrobe had expanded a lot since she had started dating Edward. Both he and Alice always insisted on buying her new clothes, even though she always told them no. Edward was always so good to her. He gave her whatever she wanted, no matter what it was, and he always apologized to her.

Sometimes she wished that the word "sorry" was never invented because Edward used it so often. Even when things weren't in any way his fault.

Edward was the perfect boyfriend.

His actions were perfect, his speech was perfect, he was always so organized, and more than anything, he was one hundred percent devoted to her.

And she was the opposite of perfect...clumsy, messy, and indecisive.

Not to mention the dreams she had. She loved Edward, but as much as she loved him she hadn't had a dream about him in months. She had, however, experienced dreams with Jacob in them. They would always leave her feeling guilty.

"I just don't understand it. Why would I dream about Jacob?" Bella mused to herself.

Jacob popped into her head. His rustic skin, dark eyes, and the muscles that were noticeable when he wore his fitted t-shirts. Bella shook her head and scolded herself.

"Jesus Bella, stop!" she whispered harshly, "you can't be attracted to Jacob, he's your best friend."

Bella grabbed a light blue t-shirt from her closet, along with a faded pair of jeans. She held them up and examined the hole that was torn in the knee.

"Sooner or later the whole leg is going to tear off," Bella thought.

Sitting down on her bed, she grabbed her black Converse shoes off of the floor and pulled them onto her feet.

*** Jacob's POV***

Jacob reached Bella's bedroom door and quickly exited her room, pulling it firmly shut behind him. Still holding on to the knob, he closed his eyes and attempted to steady his heartbeat. Once he was sure that he wouldn't make a fool of himself by passing out from hyperventilation, he straightened up and walked down stairs.

"So, did you get lucky?" asked a deep male voice when Jacob entered Bella's living room.

"What?" Jacob asked a little too quickly.

Charlie Swan raised an eyebrow as he looked over his shoulder at Jacob from his place in the recliner.

"Bella sleeps like the dead, especially on Saturday mornings. Did you have any luck waking her up?" Charlie asked turning his attention back to the television screen. He was a sports nut, so of course football was playing on the screen.

Jacob nearly slapped himself for being an idiot.

"Oh yeah, she wasn't happy," Jacob replied, "but she's awake."

Charlie chuckled. "Yep" was all that he replied.

"Would you mind telling Bella that I'm outside when she comes down?" Jacob asked Charlie.

"Sure thing," Charlie said, but his attention was mostly on the game.

Jacob turned around and headed for the front door. "Maybe a little air will calm the beast," Jacob thought jokingly to himself.

Bella always did this to him, but seeing her in that "state" was doing an amazing job making his hormones go nuts.

He sat down on her front steps to wait for her.

"I almost got my head chewed off," Jacob thought smiling to himself, "but I'm curious about that dream. What _was_ it about."

Jacob sat there in thought. It was no secret that he had a crush on Bella. He knew it, his dad knew it, the tribe knew it, and he was pretty sure that Bella knew it too.

Jacob frowned. None of that mattered. Edward was still around, and Bella was convinced that she is happy. "I could make her happier," Jacob thought sadly, but his thoughts were interrupted when he heard the front door open behind him.

***End Jacob's POV***

Bella walked out in her t-shirt and jeans, and Jacob thought that should couldn't be any more beautiful. She sat down next to him, and elbowed him playfully in the arm.

"So," she began, "what's on the agenda?"

Jacob shrugged, and looked out across the front yard.

"I thought maybe we'd go for a walk," Jacob said.

Bella nodded in agreement, "Where to? La Push?"

"Sure, unless you have somewhere else in mind," Jacob replied glancing over at her.

Bella stood up and brushed off the back of her pants with her hands.

"Well," she said putting her hands on her hips, "let's go."

Bella walked down the remaining two steps, and headed for her truck. Jacob couldn't help but notice the mesmerizing way her hips swayed when she walked.

Snapping out of his daze, he jumped up and followed Bella to her truck. He could tell that after today, he was going to need some definite "Jacob alone time" to try to subdue the thoughts that were floating around in his head. He wasn't sure if that "alone time" would make the thoughts go away, or make them worse.


	3. Chapter 3

***Note:** _Alright...here's the next one. I hope you guys enjoy it. I'm going to try to get another chapter out tomorrow...maybe two chapters if I can find the time. Don't hold me to it though...life happens! :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight! Period!**

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-Chapter 3- "How we were raised"

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The drive to La Push was fairly uneventful.

Bella and Jacob mostly discussed how nice the weather was today, which was lame in Jacob's opinion, and possible plans for the rest of the summer; which consisted of Bella talking about Edward's plans to take her to Italy.

Usually, they would be laughing and joking, but most of the ride was quiet, and it wasn't the comfortable silence that each other's company usually provided.

The air around them seemed stiff and suffocating. Like wearing an uncomfortable tuxedo or a turtleneck sweater in the middle of July at high noon. It wasn't natural for them to have this much discomfort between them. They practically knew everything about each other.

Even all of the embarrassing things like how Jacob walks around his house naked in his free time when no one is home.

They pretty much knew all there was to know.

Except for maybe what was written in Bella's journal. Jacob couldn't deny it; not knowing what that dream was about was eating him alive. He wanted to know. Mainly because there was a possibility that it would verify any feelings that he thought could be between him.

Jacob looked over at Bella.

He could practically hear his heart give a grievous and longing sigh.

Her hair was blowing from the wind that poured through the open driver's side window, and she brought her hand up to remove a section from across her face and tuck it behind her ear. He tried not to notice the innocent shade of pink that graced her lips, or the soft appearance of her skin. His hand was itching to touch her face, and his fingers were begging to tangle in her hair.

Jacob knew that those seemingly _innocent_ things would lead to not-so-innocent thoughts in his head. It was pure torture.

"Jake?" Bella said glancing over at him while she drove, "are you okay?"

Jacob raised his eyebrows and uttered a startled "huh?" jolting himself out of the daydreams he had been enjoying.

Bella knitted her brow, and blinked nervously, turning her attention back to the winding road that would lead them to the beach.

"You, were, um...spacing out," Bella finally said pulling another stray section of hair from her lips.

Jacob had forgotten that he had been staring at her...obviously staring at her actually.

He casually pointed out toward Bella's open window,

"I was just watching outside. You can see La Push coming up on that side."

Bella glanced to her left, and quickly back to the road.

"Oh yeah," she said smiling slightly, "I can see it."

There was a few more moments of silence before Bella cleared her throat and looked at Jacob from the corner of her eye.

"It's a shame Edward can't join us. He'd love it, you know," Bella attempted to sound casual.

Jacob mentally rolled his eyes and looked out his window, turning away from Bella. He hated seeing her mouth move when it was _his_ name she was saying. He thought it was the most vile name in the existence of the Earth, and he didn't care how childish that made him seem.

"What does the bloodsucker have that I don't?" Jacob thought, "and to think that Bella is attracted to him. Could she _really_ sleep with him? He may be all _perfect_, but I can guarantee that I have a larger coc-"

"Jacob? What is it now?" Bella asked in a worried voice.

Jacob didn't answer, and continued to look out the window with his arms crossed. All he could see was the large side of the mountain that they were driving around, but even looking at a big rock was more interesting to him than a conversation including Edward.

Bella sighed, "Is it because I said that Edward would enjoy this? Is that why you're all huffy?"

Jacob whipped his head over in her direction and stared at her without amusement.

"I'm not all huffy," he said and once again focused on the outside of the truck.

"Jake, I know you're lying. You were fine until I mentioned Edward. Now it's like something crawled up your butt and died." Bella said firmly, "why do you hate him so much?"

Jacob said nothing, and they pulled up to park on the beach.

Bella put the truck in park and switched off the ignition; then continued to stare at Jacob. He could feel her gaze burning a hole right through him. Pursing his lips, he reached for the door handle and pushed the truck door open. After he had gotten out and slammed the door pointedly, he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down to the edge of the water.

Even though the day was warm, the sky was mostly grey. Looking out over the water he could see waves rippling and forming way off shore, the white foam bubbled and fizzed around his sneakers as it came up on land.

Bella walked up behind him and stood there silently.

She was trying to find the right words to say to him. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. It made Bella very nervous.

"Look, Jake..." Bella began, "I know you don't like the idea of me and Edward. It's no secret. You hate him, and I understand that. It's traditional with your people to hate them, it's how you were raised..."

Jacob snorted and turned around to stare down at Bella.

"You think it's how I was _raised_?" He said incredulously and pointed at himself.

Bella raised an eyebrow, and licked her dry lips.

"I don't _think_ it, I _know _it." She said, "just like when kids are raised to believe in the tooth fairy. When you are made to believe something, it's hard to go against it."

"Bella, you are absolutely clueless," Jake said quietly, "my raising has nothing to do with it. It's true I don't love vampires like you seem to, but I have my reasons."

Bella put her hands on her hips,

"And what reasons are those Jacob Black? When I mention his name, you automatically turn into a pouting child who acts like his most favorite thing in the world has been stolen."

Jacob's jaw flexed, and he turned his head sideways to hide his face from Bella completely.

"Maybe it has," he whispered so low that Bella barely heard him.

The wind blew across Jacobs face causing his hair to fly behind him. Bella stared at him and couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was at this moment. She swallowed guiltily.

"Look," Jacob began in a flat voice, "maybe we should just head back. Take a day off. We can pick up next Saturday maybe."

Bella was automatically offended. He didn't want to spend time with her? Since when?

"What?" Bella yelled, "Jake, what's the deal?"

Jacob turned to walk back toward the truck, maneuvering around Bella without looking her in the eyes. Before he could get too far ahead, Bella grabbed his arm roughly and jerked in an attempt to stop him.

He turned to face her, his face was a mess of confusion, hurt, and rejection. Bella didn't understand what she had done, but seeing Jacob's face made her wish she hadn't done whatever it was.

"Jacob, " said Bella, and Jacob looked at her. His lips were pressed tightly together, almost as if he were afraid that he would say something he'd regret later.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Bella demanded clenching her fist.

Jacob still said nothing. He simply stood there fighting a battle inside himself. He couldn't say anything to Bella about his feelings. It wouldn't matter if he did.

"Answer me!" Bella screamed. Tears were stinging her eyes and she blinked them away defiantly.

He was supposed to be her best friend and all he could do was give her the silent treatment. "This is how he treats me?" Bella thought to herself.

"You want to know what's wrong with me, Bella Swan?" Jacob began. His voice was low, almost frightening.

Bella gulped down the sick, uneasy feeling that was trying to spew from her throat.

"I'm dying," Jacob said shakily and Bella gasped; her mouth hung open in disbelief.

"Dying?" Bella asked herself. She didn't understand. How? She stumbled back a few steps and continued to stare at Jacob in horror.

Jacob stepped forward and grasped her arms,

"Not from disease! I'm not sick, Bella!" Jacob said loudly. Bella sighed in relief.

Jacob gave a frustrated growl and released her arms. He covered his face with his hands and once again, made his way to the truck.

"Jacob Black, stop! We aren't done here." Bella said angrily. Now she was irritated. Jacob was being so ridiculous.

Jacob suddenly turned around, grasped Bella and pulled her close. His hand went up to her face and rested gently on her cheek. Jacob almost openly sighed in bliss; her skin was smooth under his hand. His forehead was touching hers lightly, and his eyes were closed.

Bella was stunned. She didn't know what to think; she was beyond thinking. Jacob had never been this physically close to her before. She could see the tiny sparse scars on his face, and the small lines on his lips. Long, black eyelashes streched from his eyelids and fanned out below his eyes. His breath was blowing across her face; and she couldn't help but feel exhilarated.

"I'm dying every time I hear you talk about him, Bella," Jacob whispered, "i'm dying when I see you with him in your bedroom at night."

His hand ran slowly down the side of her face causing her breath to catch in her throat.

He swallowed roughly and continued,

"I'm dying when he holds you close to him as you sleep, and when he holds you as he kisses you."

Jacob removed his hand from Bella's face and ran it smoothly through her wind blown hair.

"And more than anything," Jacob said opening his eyes to look deeply into hers, "i'm dying when you tell him you love him."

Bella's throat felt like sandpaper. And she was shivering, even in the summer heat. Jacob ran his index finger across Bella's lips, and tilted his head to the right.

"Oh my god," Bella thought frantically, "he's going to kiss me, I can't do this!"

Jacob leaned closer to her and closed his eyes, and even though Bella's brain was screaming for her to move...she was frozen in place. She shut her eyes tightly, and prepared to feel Jacob's lips on hers.

But it never happened.

Jacob kissed her forehead, turned, and walked quickly to the truck. Leaving behind a very flustered and confused Bella.

"And just for the record," Jacob shouted from the truck, "you're family didn't _raise_ you to fall in love with the undead."

And the truck door slammed shut.


	4. Chapter 4

***Note: **_I'm so sorry it has taken so long to get this one written. Life happens. Truth be told i've had this written for a while, but the Document Manager wouldn't allow me to upload it for some reason. I'm sure you all understand...right? :) Hopefully so. I hope that you all enjoy this chapter, but it is definitely rated "M" for a reason. And i'd love to see some reviews. That would be lovely :) Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight! I can only dream.**

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-Chapter 4- "Busted...again?"

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It had been a week since Jacob had spewed his love for Bella on the sandy shoreline of La Push.

It had also been a week since Jacob had spoken to Bella, and she was quite irritated.

Calling him hadn't helped. Billy continued to tell Bella that Jacob was out or busy, but Bella knew better.

She knew he was avoiding her.

Bella kept replaying that day continuously in her head. A part of her was disappointed when Jacob didn't kiss her. She had been mildly curious about what it would be like to kiss him; she had always been curious.

Since that day her journal had gained about ten new entries. Each one filled with frustrations over Jacob, and she had realized something alarming while writing her newest entry.

Not one of her entries in the past week so much as mentioned Edward at all.

Bella sat indian style on her bed, her journal splayed open across her leg, and a black pen clutched in her small hand. The sun was beginning sink behind the trees, casting an orange glow through the bedroom window.

She had been writing furiously. Writing down anything that came to her head about Jacob. Her anger, her sadness, and confusion about some other feeling that she couldn't quite put her finger on.

It was around the middle of the page when she stopped writing.

Looking down at the paragraph, her eyes went wide with surprise. Bella clicked the pen, retracting the tip, and placed it slowly next to her. Her eyes were scanning back over everything she had written; her lip was pulled between her teeth as she chewed it nervously.

She hadn't realized that Edward wasn't in this entry. Flipping back over the past few days she found that he didn't exist in those entries either.

What was wrong with her? Usually Edward was the "hot topic" of her writing. The perfect way that he walked, the perfect way that he talked, and the perfect way that he loved her. All of his perfect things were regularly written down in her journal; or at least they _used_ to be regularly written.

Slamming her journal shut angrily, she flung it across the room. Not caring about the way it slammed against the wall loudly, or that a few of the pages fluttered out and scattered around her room.

Bella sighed in exasperation, and flopped back on her bed. Her hands covered her face, and she let out an irritated growl.

_"What is with me?"_ Bella thought, _"For the past week it has been nothing but Jacob, Jacob, JACOB! It's not like I mean for it to be that way! Is it? I love Edward, why would I be writing about Jacob so much?"_

There was a knock on her door. Bella sat up as Charlie slowly peeked in.

"Bells? You alright?" He asked curiously as his eyes scanned her bedroom.

Bella shrugged, "Yeah dad, i'm good...why?"

Charlie cleared his throat," I heard a noise. Thought maybe you fell. You do tend to do that a lot."

"Am I really that clumsy?" Bella thought to herself.

"It was just a book. I dropped a book. Sorry."

"Um-hm," Charlie mumbled, and retreated.

The door shut with a click, and Bella could hear Charlie's boots on the stairs as he went back to the living room. Probably to watch television.

Bella heaved herself from the bed, and walked over to pick up the journal along with all of the stray pages, and placed it back in its usual spot on her desk. She looked down at the pile of papers clutched in her hand and rolled her eyes.

"Crap," Bella whispered, "now I have to figure out what page goes with which entry."

She began to scan over the pages, and she came to one about her first day of school in Forks and how she had met Edward. It seemed like so long ago to her now. She smiled in remembrance and continued to sift through the pages.

There were so many things that she had written that she didn't even remember; even an entry about Jessica laughing so hard that soda had spilled out of her nose, and she had started crying because she thought she'd have to go to the hospital.

Bella laughed a little at that. Jessica's face had been hilarious, and Bella smiled at the thought, but the smile left her face when she read the one that was now in her hand.

It was the one about Jacob. Not just about meeting him, or going on walks with him. Or about how he had became her best friend.

It was the naughty dream one.

Bella swallowed hard, and read the page in her hands.

_...It was so real. Almost like I was really there. I could feel Jacob's warm breath on my neck, and his soft lips caressing my skin. My hands running up his stomach and chest then wrapping themselves around his neck. I could hear his heart pounding, and he was whispering erotically in my ear. "What do you want, Bella?" he asked me, and all I could do was close my eyes and moan in response..._

She tore her eyes away from the page.

Her face was flushed and she could feel a warm sensation in an area that should not be affected by the thought of Jacob. Edward maybe, but not Jacob.

It embarrassed her to admit it, but reading that entry had turned her on. She looked around the room nervously, almost afraid that someone had been watching her read, and was waiting to chastise her.

"This is ridiculous. I didn't do anything wrong by reading this. It was just a dream," she said quietly.

_"A hot, dirty, erotic dream,"_ she admitted to herself.

Bella lay down on her bed again and looked over at her clock. It was 7:30 pm, Edward would be here at 8. He always was.

She still felt hot from reading that entry, and she lifted her shirt to expose her midriff hoping to get rid of some of the trapped heat from her blushing skin.

Ten minutes passed and Bella was still fighting with herself. The dream was still floating around in her head, causing her to become more and more aroused. She could feel the area between her legs beginning to ache, and longing for some release.

Bella ran her hand down past her bellybutton, and rubbed her crotch through her jeans. She closed her eyes as her breathing became shallow. She needed this, otherwise she would be irritated the rest of the night. Not to mention Edward would notice.

She unbuttoned her jeans, and slipped her hands beneath the waistline and under the elastic of her panties. Her fingers traveled lower to their destination.

Bella's eyes were glazed over with arousal, and she gasped when she felt her index and middle fingers brush her clit.

Running her fingers a little lower, she parted her moist folds and pushed her fingers into her vagina slowly coating them with her slick fluid. Then, she withdrew them and brought them back up to slowly rub circles on her swollen clit.

Bella moaned quietly at the sensation, and began to rub faster.

Fantasies filled her head, and they weren't of Edward. She could almost feel Jacob's weight pressing against her. His big hands holding her thighs apart, and his tongue lapping between her legs.

She wanted it, and she couldn't deny it any longer.

Abandoning all modesty, she moaned louder and let Jacobs name spill quietly from her lips. She was so close to her release.

Bella began to assault her clit furiously with her fingers as she ground herself toward her orgasm. She was panting now and using her other hand to clutch at the bed covers under her.

She bit down on her bottom lip to keep herself from screaming as she prepared to reach her climax. Bella could practically see Jacob on top of her, pounding in and out of her ruthlessly. His hair sticking to his chest from sweat, and his mouth slack with pleasure.

Bella was on edge now, her release was right around the corner. Jacob's name was spilling from her mouth in repeated strings.

"Bella?" came an elegant voice from the window.

She was immediately snapped from her fantasies, and her head turned quickly to see the owner of the voice standing in front of her window and looking very confused.

The clock on her bedside table read 8:00 pm.

"Fuck," she cursed silently.


	5. Chapter 5

_***Note: **__I apologize for the wait. I've been sick for nearly a week now, but i'm determined to put out another chapter. Having you guys wait pains me more than any illness :) Anyway, read and review! Oh, and i'm not quite sure about this...but i've had some readers asking me what the ending of this fic is going to be. I don't know whether it's because chapter 4 gave the impression that I was ending it or what...but it isn't over! I promise. If I ever decide to end a fiction I will certainly tell you first. Now, with that being said...LET'S GET ON WITH IT! :) Enjoy._

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight or Twilight related...but a girl can definitely dream, right?**

* * *

Chapter 5- "Erotic Smells"

* * *

Bella froze, her hand still within her jeans and her pale stomach still exposed.

"_Shit, shit, shit, shit....." _was all that she could think.

Edward wasn't sure what to think exactly. He simply stood there awkwardly, one foot still hung outside of the window and his hand clutched the window frame as he swallowed nervously, eyes locked on the location of Bella's small hand.

Jerking her hand from her jeans rapidly and pulling her shirt down to cover her midriff, she cleared her throat and looked over at Edward.

His eyes were quite startled, and his skin seemed a bit paler.

Had he heard her?

Did he hear what she had said?

She knew that she had said Jacob's name the entire time she was touching herself, and there was no doubt in her mind that Edward could smell her arousal.

He may not be sexually experienced...but she knew that he could put the two together.

Her arousal mixed with Jacob's name leaving her lips only meant one thing.

Bella could feel her stomach turn. She felt sick with herself, and the way Edward was gazing at her didn't make her feel any better.

A few minutes passed and Edward finally lifted his other foot over the window sill and brought it down to the floor gracefully. His eyes were now their normal size, and the smooth manner in which he carried himself had returned.

Bella sat up and crossed her legs indian style as Edward sat on the edge of her bed.

She didn't dare to look up at his face. She just knew that he would be angry with her, and hurt also from hearing Jacob's name come from her lips and not his. Bella didn't want to see that in his eyes.

Not to mention she was utterly embarrassed.

Instead, she looked down at the covers beneath her and idly picked at the stitching. Edward continued to stare at her. Bella knew it must be frustrating for him not to know what she was thinking.

"Bella," Edward said smoothly.

His voice was like the finest of silk, or the richest chocolate. Every time he spoke anyone around would be willing to die just hear him speak again.

Including Bella, but this time she wished that he could catch laryngitis and stop speaking.

He was just so perfect, and she was so imperfect.

"Hm?" Bella mumbled in response.

Edward grabbed her chin gently, and lifted her head until he could see her eyes.

"Is there something we need to discuss?"

Bella shifted her eyes to the left, avoiding his questioning gaze, and shortly shook her head.

Edward withdrew his hand, and sighed.

"I'm sorry," he said slowly.

Bella scrunched her face in confusion, and her head jolted up to look at Edward.

"S-Sorry? For what?" Bella asked confused.

"For not giving you everything you want. I'm not meeting your needs, not physically anyway," Edward continued and stared down at the floor.

Bella's eyes widened, and she scooted off of the bed and stood in front of Edward.

"So, you're apologizing to me for something that is obviously not in anyway your fault and it was me that you caught playing with myself and uttering another man's name? You're apologizing to ME?" Bella said incredulously.

Edward simply nodded, receiving a scoff from Bella who brought her hands up to tangle in her brown hair on each side of her head. She turned her back to Edward and walked over to lean on the window frame and gazed absentmindedly outside.

"Bella, i'm apologizing because if it weren't for me ignoring your needs-" Edward began standing up.

"No!" Bella said making a slicing motion with her hand, "i'm the culprit, Edward! You're supposed to yell at me, be angry at me, and blame me! Not apologize!"

Edward stood there silently, and smiled at Bella.

_"He's smiling? What the hell?!" _Bella thought to herself in exasperation.

Edward walked over to Bella and put his cool hand against her flushed cheek.

"Tell you what," Edward began while stroking Bella's face, "I apparently need to make some adjustments to myself. So, i'm going to go on a trip for a few days. Just to figure myself out. I won't let myself continue to make you unhappy, and leave you unfulfilled."

Bella could feel her jaw practically drop. He honestly thought it was his fault. Edward was blaming himself for Bella's masturbating. She couldn't help but think it was ridiculous.

"Edward, no," Bella said grabbing his hand, "it's not you, it's me. My fault. Why can't you just blame me like a boyfriend is supposed to?"

Edward blinked.

"Blame you? Why would I do that?"

Bella slapped her forehead in an annoyed fashion, and looked up at Edward.

"I don't want you to leave," she said in a small voice as tears welled up in her eyes.

Edward pulled her gently to his chest, and put his arms around her.

"I know, but it's for the best. Maybe by then I will be able to make you truly happy," he said seriously.

With that, Edward released her, kissed the top of her head, and by the time she had opened her eyes he was gone.

The window was left open, and her curtain swayed from the summer air that flowed through.

Bella went to the window, and could barely make out a shadow standing at the edge of the forest, gazing up at her before disappearing into the night.

Bella had never felt so alone.

***Jacob's POV***

It had been a week since he had spoken to Bella.

Mainly because he had no clue what to say, or even where to begin. He was such an idiot for telling her how he felt.

Now he'd probably have the bloodsucker posse after him.

Jacob sighed, and slung the wrench he was using down on the garage floor.

Working on this car was taking much longer than he originally thought. Not that he had actually been working on it. Mostly he had been thinking about everything he had said to Bella.

And how he regretted it.

He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand since he had grease on the palm, and took a drink from the bottle of water he had sitting next to him.

Well, it was more like a jug of water.

It had been full when he began, but now it barely had a cup left in it. He got way too thirsty way too easily.

Jacob looked down at the tank top he was wearing, he was a mess. Rolling his eyes, he pulled the ruined shirt over his head, used it to clean his hands, and discarded it on the floor next to his water jug.

Now not only was he thinking about everything he had said to Bella, he was also thinking about that stupid journal of hers.

It was driving him mad. He should have never even read part of it, because now he wanted to read the rest. Despite the fact that it was a serious invasion of privacy.

_"Well, it couldn't hurt to like read it and return it, right? Or maybe I can read it one day when she's not home...she'd never know. I mean, she wouldn't like it if I told her that she was causing me to want to check myself into a mental institution." _Jacob thought.

Then he stood up, and walked over to the door of the garage. The breeze felt nice on his hot skin. He was sweating from working on that car, but mostly from working his brain too much.

She was his every thought lately, and not seeing her for the past week was bothering him.

He was used to seeing her nearly every day, and spending all day with her on Saturdays.

It is a Saturday night, and he hadn't seen her...it was all because of his stupidity and undeniable talent of screwing up situations.

Jacob looked up at the dark sky. Thunder sounded in the distance. A storm was brewing, but it was still a good bit away. He still had time to make amends with Bella before it started storming.

Reaching for the garage door, he shut it firmly and began to make his way to Bella's house.

* * *

The journey didn't take long, at least not when Jacob was in wolf form. He turned back to his normal self when he was close to her house, and continued to walk until he could see her yard coming into view.

Jacob paused at the edge of the forest, and sniffed the air.

Something was different...the smell was different.

He narrowed his eyes, and looked up at Bella's illuminated bedroom window.

That smell was nice, whatever it was, and caused his eyes to flutter closed. It was very faint, but definitely there.

_"Hm, that smells oddly like..."_ Jacob raised his eyebrows in surprise and inhaled deeply. The scent was sending pleasure-filled jolts straight to his crotch.

_"What's she doing up there?" _He wondered.

A small noise made Jacob's eyes fly open, and focus once again on Bella's window.

It was a moan. He could have sworn he heard it, and as if that wasn't crazy enough, he could have sworn he had heard his name as well.

"Jesus Christ Bella..." Jacob moaned quietly, and continued to take in the scent coming from Bella's window.

His jeans felt oddly tight at the moment.

"I've got to know what's going on up there," he said determined.

Jacob was about to go and investigate, when another smell came into range...this time, it was a foul smell. Edward walked around from the back of Bella's house and jumped up into her window.

Jacob's nose wrinkled in disgust.

_"Gross, leech scent..." _He thought to himself.

Now he couldn't go up and talk to Bella; he had lost his chance.

Not that he'd want to anyway. Not with _that_ smell surrounding him.

Waiting a few more moments, and staring longingly up at Bella's window, Jacob finally turned to leave.

"... so, i'm going to go on a trip for a few days. Just to figure myself out. I won't let myself continue to make you unhappy, and leave you unfulfilled."

He heard a male voice say.

Jacob stopped and turned again to look back up at the window; listening closely.

"Edward, no..."

Jacob heard Bella say, and rolled his eyes.

The conversation continued, and ended with Edward jumping out of Bella's window, and making his way back into the forest on the opposite side of where Jacob stood.

He looked up and saw that Bella was leaning out of the window, scanning the darkness for Edward, but her eyes rested on him.

Jacob stood frozen for a few moments, and then retreated back into the forest.

He couldn't talk to her tonight.

She and Edward had apparently had some sort of disagreement, and Jacob had heard his name mentioned a few times.

He couldn't help but feel like all of this was caused by something he had done.

Jacob decided he could wait until tomorrow to speak with Bella, but right now he needed to relieve some sexual tension caused by that erotic smell.

***End Jacob's POV***

Bella sighed as the rain began to fall slowly outside her window. The storm had brought cool air with it, and it caused goose bumps to raise all over her body.

Shivering, Bella reached up and pushed the window shut firmly.

She walked over to her bed and sat down on the edge.

Bella couldn't help but feel guilty over Edward. He always blamed himself for things that she did wrong, and now look what had happened.

Oddly enough, Bella didn't feel too upset about it.

Sure, she was upset some, but for the most part...she was okay.

Picking up her journal, she began to write a new entry.

After about 15 minutes of writing, she shut the journal, turned off her light, and crawled under the covers of her bed.

Allowing sleep, and dreams, to engulf her.


	6. Chapter 6

_***Note: **__I'm so so so sorry it's taken me so long to get this one out to you. It's been a wild few weeks! Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews on this story, and on my others as well. I hope you can forgive me for the delay, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review! Enjoy :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight or Twilight related, but the plot of this particular story is all mine.**

* * *

-Chapter 6- "Revelation"

* * *

The next morning it was still raining away in Forks. Thunder jolted Bella awake, and she sat straight up in bed, her heart hammering in her chest. Bella blew out a relieved gust of air.

_Jesus Bella, it's just thunder._ She thought; rolling her eyes.

After her heart had calmed down, she slung the covers from her legs, and brought her feet to rest on the floor.

Bella watched the rain fall in sheets outside of her window.

Usually, she would wake up in Edward's arms, look up into his liquid gold eyes and feel automatically energized and ready to start the day. This time however, she was alone.

A shrill ring caused Bella to once again jump, and she looked over at her cell phone ringing and vibrating on her table. Growling in irritation, she caught it just as it was about to vibrate off of the edge of the table and answered it quickly without checking the ID.

"Hello?!" she half yelled into the receiver.

"Uh, hi...Bella what's with the yelling?" Jessica asked in her overly chipper voice.

Bella mentally sighed. She had been expecting for it to be Edward, but in the back of her mind she was hoping it would be Jacob.

She automatically felt guilty about being irritated by Jessica calling her and changed her tone of voice.

"Sorry Jess, what's up?" Bella stammered.

"Well, I was thinking that maybe since we haven't hung out in like forever that maybe you'd want to go out for coffee or something? Maybe the mall?" Jessica said quickly.

Bella closed her eyes. She didn't really feel like going out today; the weather was exactly like her life at the moment...a mess.

"Or we can do something else. Any suggestions? I mean, as long as it's inside, the weather does kind of suck. But you know it's-"

"It's fine!" Bella interrupted Jessica's rambling, "we can get coffee...lunch...something."

"Great!" Jessica cheered, "I'll swing by and pick you up around one."

"Sure thing," Bella tried to sound enthusiastic.

There was a _click_ as Jessica hung up. No doubt in a hurry to get primped and pristine, in spite of the weather, to go out for some girl time.

Bella could practically see Jessica now...flinging open her closet full of clothes of every shade of pink and purple imaginable. She'd probably try on about a thousand outfits, twirl for about ten seconds in her full length mirror, and then wrinkle her nose and try on something else.

Bella allowed herself to chuckle at the thought of her bubbly friend.

Looking over at her clock, Bella decided she should get up and start getting ready. It was only 10:30 in the morning, but knowing Jessica she'd show up early.

Grabbing some clothes, Bella padded lazily to the bathroom to get ready for her "girl day".

Hopefully it would be good for her. Maybe she needed a change of scenery.

***Jacob's POV***

_Bella's nails dug themselves deeply in his shoulder as she raked them down his arms. His back and chest were laced with sweat as he pounded into her causing moans to spill from her mouth. _

_"Oh Jacob..." Bella moaned beneath him._

_Her hair was spread out around her like a dark halo, and her face was flushed from the heat his body was causing her._

_He buried his face in Bella's neck as he growled._

_"Bella, I'm so close," he said through gritted teeth and picked up his pace._

_"Ah, Jacob, harder!" _

_"God, I'm coming...I'm-"_

Jacob was startled by a boom of thunder and sat straight up in his bed. He'd been having such a lovely, not to mention erotic, dream.

Sighing angrily, he flung himself back down against his mattress.

Knitting his brow, he looked down toward his crotch.

Looks like he's not the only one awake...little Jake is camping, the tent is already pitched.

"Fuck," Jacob cursed pounding his fist on the bed.

_After I take care of this, I'm going to talk to Bella. No excuses this time. _Jacob thought.

Then he glanced down at his crotch again.

"And YOU better behave!" he scolded pointing to the raised bundle of sheets.

***End Jacob's POV***

It only took a few minutes for Bella to shower, dry her hair, and get dressed.

She went into her bedroom and sat in the chair at her desk to pull on a pair of socks, then reached for her Converse shoes.

In mid-reach she looked up to see the rain still falling outside, and decided that her rain boots may be more appropriate, so she pulled those on instead and tucked her jeans inside.

The clock read 12:35 PM. She was ready early.

_Well, I guess I'll have to find something to do for an hour and a half._ Bella thought looking around the room.

Her eyes came to rest on a box of pictures she had taken over the past few months. She had gotten a little lazy with putting them in her photo album, and they had ended up in an old shoe box in the far corner of her room.

Bella walked across the room and picked up the shoe box, which had collected an impressive amount of dust, and then sat back down at her desk.

Grabbing a shirt from her floor, she wiped the box free of dust, opened the lid, and began to sift through the pictures.

There were a few of her and her mom when she had gone to visit her in Florida for a week, and even a few of her dad posing in his police uniform...he didn't know that she had saved those.

Bella couldn't stop the snort of laughter as she looked at the way Charlie was posing. He looked so dignified and proud, and his eyes shone with amusement.

Shaking her head, Bella grabbed the corner of another photo and pulled it from the box.

It was of her, and next to her was a boy with a head full of long dark hair, and his muscular arm slung casually around her shoulders.

It was Jacob.

Bella stared down at the picture sadly. The picture had been taken on one of their Saturday outings at La Push. Their hair was windblown, and their eyes were squinting partially from the bright sunshine, but mostly because they were laughing.

She could almost feel the hot sun on her skin, and hear Jacob's laughter. Looking at this picture made her realize that she missed him.

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked down at his frozen smile.

_Jacob. Why does it hurt so much?_ She asked herself while running her finger over the picture.

A car horn shook Bella from her thoughts, and she looked over at her clock.

_1:25 PM. I knew she'd be early._

Bella took one last glance at the picture, and returned it to the box; making a mental note to finish sorting through them when she got home.

Outside, the rain had slowed down to a drizzle. Bella grabbed her jacket from the coat hanger next to her door, pulled it on, and slung the hood over her head. She wasn't usually concerned about getting her hair wet, but if she was going to be around other people today...she figured she'd have a little consideration for them and not be an eyesore.

Not to mention Jessica was always pretty well dressed, and she didn't want to cause her any embarrassment.

Bella opened her door and stepped outside into the cool air and misty rain. She waved at Jessica who was all smiles in the car, and turned to lock her door. The rain was rather chilly, especially for July.

_Maybe if it gets on my face, it will hide the fact that my eyes are all teary._ Bella thought as she walked down her driveway and hopped into the passenger seat of Jessica's warm car.

"Hey," Bella offered to Jessica smiling the best that she could.

Jessica studied her face intently squinting her eyes.

Bella looked around nervously before raising her eyebrows,

"What? Do I have something on my face?"

Jessica shook her head, and smiled lightly,

"No, but you do have something on your mind."

Bella sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Jessica, I-"

"It's alright," Jessica said putting up her hand and shook her head shortly, "we can discuss it over hot chocolate. How's that?"

Bella simply nodded. She knew that she needed someone to talk to, and she guessed that since Jessica was the closest thing to a girl-friend that she had, she might as well spill to her.

"Great!" Jessica beamed, "now buckle up."

***Jacob's POV***

After having a heart to heart talk with his hormones, and of course a little "him time", Jacob ran over to the Swan residence to make amends with his best friend.

The rain was chilly, but considering that he was always burning up, it wasn't a problem. He swore he could hear the rain sizzling as it fell on his skin.

It was probably just his imagination.

He wasn't sure what he was going to say to Bella. He was kind of spontaneous when it came to this sort of thing.

_I guess whatever words come out will work. _Jacob thought as he approached Bella's house.

He stopped when he saw a car idling at the end of Bella's driveway.

At first, he thought his intentions would be ruined once again by the bloodsucker, but he looked a little closer and could make out a blonde girl in the driver's seat.

"Must be Jessica," Jacob mumbled.

Then he heard the front door of the house open and then close. Bella walked down the steps briskly with the hood of her jacket over her head, and got into the car with Jessica.

He could see them talking, but couldn't make out what they were saying. Then he saw Bella nod, buckle her seatbelt, and they drove off.

Jacob leaned his forehead against a tree in irritation.

_Why does this always happen? Every time I want to talk to her...._

But his inner ranting stopped, and he lifted his head as something occurred to him.

Bella wasn't home, Charlie wasn't home, and the journal lay just inside her bedroom window.

Jacob grinned and looked up at the vacant window. He knew that she had probably left it unlocked expecting Edward to come over.

_I'll finally know what's in her head._

Jacob thought victoriously, and made his way to the side of Bella's house.

***End Jacob's POV***

The ride to the coffee shop on the edge of town was uneventful. Jessica and Bella chatted lightly about college plans and the possibility of a bonfire party within the next week or so.

Jessica pulled into the tiny parking area of the shop, and switched off the ignition. Bella looked through the windshield at all of the people that lined the serving area and cluttered the tables in the small place.

Seeing Bella's face, Jessica suggested that they go in and order their hot chocolate to go, then come back to the car so they wouldn't have to fight the crowd and talk over other peoples' conversations.

Counting to three, Bella and Jessica bolted from the car and ran to the door laughing like fools and getting soaking wet from the rain, which had decided to pick back up.

Bella was proud of herself for deciding to wear the rain boots.

Jessica on the other hand had worn sandals, and whined about their being more water in her shoes than on the ground.

After waiting in line, they walked up to the counter and ordered their drinks. The waitress handed them two large foam cups with lids, made a joke about "staying dry out there", and asked them to come again soon.

They made it back to the car safely, and luckily for Bella she didn't have one of her clumsy spells and drop her hot chocolate.

They each pulled their car doors shut, and let out a sigh as they settled into the seats.

Bella grasped her cup with both hands. The warmth felt good on her freezing fingers.

Jessica blew into the small mouth opening of her cup, and attempted to take a sip.

"Ouch!" she exclaimed and licked her lips.

Bella giggled as Jessica looked at the cup angrily.

"Well, I guess I'll have to wait then," she said resting her cup in her lap. Then she looked over at Bella who was still smiling over Jessica's burned lips.

"So," Jessica said, "spill it. What's wrong?"

Bella looked down absently at her cup and swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

Jessica snorted.

"Bella, you looked like a sad lost puppy when you came out of your house. Not to mention you've seemed distant the entire time we've been out."

Bella still said nothing, and Jessica huffed.

"You know I'm your friend, and you can talk to me, Bella," Jessica said in a gentle voice, "I'm not a complete idiot, I can tell something's wrong and it may be good to talk about it."

Clearing her throat forcefully, Bella looked over at Jessica who was staring expectantly back at her.

"I um,"

Bella began while scratching a nail on the foam cup, but she was choked off by a tsunami of tears that began spilling from her eyes.

Jessica grabbed Bella in a hug.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, I shouldn't push you, I'm sorry."

Bella shook her head and separated herself from Jessica.

"No, I need to talk about it to someone. If I don't I might go crazy."

Taking a deep breath, she attempted to find her voice again,

"I'm having boy trouble basically...if you want to categorize my problem."

Jessica nodded, "Alright. I'm listening."

"I haven't spoken to Jacob in over a week, he hasn't contacted me..."

Jessica put her hand up, "Wait. Jacob's the hot tribe guy right?"

Bella raised her eyebrow and looked over at Jessica, "Uh, yeah."

"Ok, sorry. Keep going." Jessica said and took a sip from her cup.

"Well, it's just made me so irritable and all I can think about is him," Bella ranted and threw her hands in the air, "it's like all I do is wonder where he is, or what he's doing. My journal is full of nothing BUT him. Edward even went on a trip because he blames himself for me being unhappy..."

"Well are you?" Jessica interjected.

Bella looked at Jessica, confused, "Am I what?"

"Unhappy? Are you unhappy with Edward?" Jessica said rolling her eyes at the brunette next to her.

Bella shook her head, "No. I love Edward."

"Sounds like to me you love Jacob." Jessica said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Bella's eyes went wide. She'd never thought about that before. Her mind kicked into overdrive as thoughts of him flooded her head.

_Do I?_ She thought.

"That can't be. I love Edward," Bella argued.

"Who are you trying to convince? Yourself or me? I'm just telling you what I think. I mean, you think of him, write about him, and it bothers you when he's away right?" Jessica asked.

"Yes...yes it does," Bella said slowly.

"Almost like you can't live without him?" Jessica asked.

"I can't..." Bella answered.

Jessica pointed at Bella, "Bingo." Then turned around, put her cup in the cup holder, and buckled her seat belt.

"But, what should I do? Apologize?" Bella asked desperately.

"Well, you say you can't live without him,"

Bella nodded.

"Then I think you just answered your own question." Jessica finished, and smiled.

Bella smiled back, "Thanks Jess."

"No problem! Now, you wanna check out the mall and see what's new?"

With a nod of confirmation from Bella, Jessica started the ignition, and they pulled out of the parking lot.

***Jacob's POV***

Bella's room smelled so strongly of her that it was causing Jacob to feel lightheaded.

Jacob was glad that he had decided to pull his hair back before rummaging through her room. His hair was still soaked from the rain, but at least now it wouldn't be touching anything. If Bella found out he was in here, she's more than likely kill him.

A few wet strands fell into his face and he pushed them behind his ear.

He walked over to the desk where the journal had been last time, and saw a box of pictures. He peeked inside and saw a picture of him and Bella at La Push at the beginning of summer.

_That was a fun day._ Jacob reminisced and smiled.

Under the box he could see the corner of a book sticking out. He lifted the box up and pulled the book free.

It was the journal.

Jacob swallowed roughly and looked quickly around the room. He felt like a thief who was about to rob a bank, but his curiosity was practically eating him alive, and he opened the journal to the most recent entry.

_I can't stop thinking about Jacob. No matter what I do. Not even Edward can keep me from thinking of him, and it's making me worry. I can't understand why I'm having these feelings for my best friend. Is it because I want us to be more? Or is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Either way it's driving me nuts!_

Jacob chuckled. He could almost see Bella huffing in irritation as she ended that sentence.

_When I go to bed all I can think of is him, and I haven't even talked to him in a week!_

"So it is bothering her," Jacob said to himself quietly and continued to read.

_I've been writing down the dreams I've had about him, hoping that maybe that would help stop the dreams. It's not that I don't enjoy them, but I feel guilty to be having them while I'm right next to Edward. Lately I haven't had that problem though. Edward is gone, and it's my fault. He blames himself and says he's not making me happy. But it's not his fault! I've told him! It's not like he can stop me from masturbating, and he can't control my mind._

Jacob's eyes were the size of the moon. "Bella masturbates?" he said in an amused voice.

_It's not that I'm ashamed of it; I'm just ashamed that he caught me masturbating to the thought of Jacob._

The journal fell from Jacob's hands and smacked the floor loudly.

Jacob stood there stunned. He couldn't believe that she thought of him that way. Yes it was true that he had dreamed of it, but he NEVER thought it would actually happen.

He stooped down and picked up the journal, and tried to find his place, but it was on a different entry. As he continued to read, he thought that this entry was oddly familiar.

It was the one he had began reading the first day he had opened the journal. It was the one that had peaked his curiosity.

His eyes scanned over the page quickly as he took in all of Bella's deepest, and most erotic fantasies...all of them included him.

The area between his legs was beginning to stir, and he rubbed his crotch through his jeans trying to relieve some of the pressure that was there. He sucked in air through his gritted teeth as he tried to regain control of his body.

The bedroom door swung open, and Jacob's heart nearly jumped out of his chest.

Bella was standing there, soaking wet and wide eyed.

Jacob watched her for a second and saw her eyes shift downward. She could no doubt see the effects that the journal was having on him.

Slowly, Bella made her way across the room.

_Uh-oh. _Jacob thought.


	7. Chapter 7

***Note: **_Thank you so much for all of the wonderful feedback on Chapter 6! You guys made my day. This chapter is short, and I apologize but when I got to a certain point it felt like a comfortable place to stop. Don't forget to review! Enjoy :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I claim to own anything Twilight or Twilight related. I only dream.**

* * *

-Chapter 7- "Pleading"

* * *

Jacob could do nothing but stare at Bella. He had been caught red handed reading her journal.

He knew she didn't want him to, and he knew she wouldn't like it, but he had done it regardless.

His stomach was sick and uneasy.

_This is it... _Jacob thought in a panic.

_She's going to kill me, or worse...tell me she never wants to speak to me again._

Standing there awkwardly, he braced himself as Bella came closer to him, preparing himself for a stream of choice words to come out of her mouth and crush his hopes of ever having her.

***End Jacob's POV* **

Bella had to admit that the day out with Jessica had been what she needed.

She wasn't one for "girl time", but Jessica had helped her sort out her thoughts and issues.

She knew that she'd have to talk to Jacob.

She waved goodbye to Jessica when she had fought the rain and made it safely to her front door. Jessica responded with two honks of her horn, and pulled away into the thick sheets of rain.

As soon as Bella stepped foot in her house, she felt odd. Scrunching her face, she looked around before shutting the door and locking it securely behind her. Charlie was still at work, so she knew it wasn't him that she felt in the house with her.

The shopping bags in her hand crinkled as she maneuvered to remove her jacket. She was soaked to the bone, and the air conditioning in the house was causing goose bumps to litter her skin.

"Edward?" Bella said quietly walking up the stairs.

_He had never mentioned when he'd be back, so who's to say he won't surprise me? _Bella thought.

Even though she knew it was wrong of her, she hadn't really missed Edward. Any normal girlfriend would miss there boyfriend, but then again, Bella had never been normal.

She arrived at the top of the stairs, nearly slipping due to the fact her shoes were soaked, and that didn't mix well with wood floors. Bella reached down and decided to pull them off and sat them neatly at the top of the stairs.

She made a mental note to put them away so she wouldn't trip over them later. A short scenario of her cascading down the stairs came into her head and she rolled her eyes.

The door to her room was still shut, just as she had left it, but still...something was different. She just knew someone was in there.

The floor in her room creaked causing Bella to jump, and she could see a faint shadow move under the space of her door.

_Someone's definitely in there. It must be Edward._

Bella rushed over to her room, and flung the door open.

Instead of being met by Edward's golden eyes she was met by a pair of wide chocolate ones.

Jacob was standing in her room reasonless and shirtless. More importantly he was standing there clutching her journal as well as his crotch.

Bella's mouth hung open in disbelief, and she tried not to look at the impressive bulge in his jeans.

It was as if she was seeing him for the first time. Stray pieces of hair hung damp at the sides of his face, and his lips were parted as he sucked air rapidly through them. His tan skin was smooth as it ran in ripples over the muscles of his torso and arms.

_He's...beautiful._ Was all she could think.

Bella was staring at him and surprisingly she realized that she wasn't mad at him.

He had broken into her house, gotten her floor soaked, read her journal, and she wasn't upset.

She made her way over to him and she could tell that he was in a panic.

Jacob's fast breathing had kicked it up a few speeds and he was now borderline hyperventilation, but Bella continued to pursue then uncertain Jacob.

The conversation that Bella and Jessica had played through her head quietly.

_I can't live without him._

Then Bella launched herself at Jacob, throwing her body into his strong arms, and covered his lips with hers.

It took Jacob a few moments to react, but he eventually wrapped his arms tightly around her and began to kiss Bella with all of the passion he felt for her.

It was like they couldn't get close enough. Bella was practically melting into Jacob's bigger form, but they both still pressed into each other. Bella parted for a moment, pushing Jacob roughly into the wall next to her bed, and then continued the assault on his mouth.

Jacob ran his hands down Bella's back, over her backside, and down to her thighs. Grasping them, he pulled her legs up to rest around his hips. Jacob separated himself from Bella's swollen lips, and kissed his way across her jaw and down to her neck.

Bella let a sigh fall from her lips as Jacob kissed softly at her neck, and she brought her fingers around to the back of his head and laced them in his dark hair.

The smell of him was making her dizzy. He was so earthy and warm, and the scent of the thunderstorm clung to him and made Bella want to explore every inch of him. The feel of his lips was making her want to die from exhilaration.

Both of them were becoming extremely overheated, but it was Jacob who pulled away first.

Bella looked at him with confusion.

Jacob swallowed nervously and sat Bella back on her feet.

They both simply stared at each other in silence. It was almost like they were strangers now; neither of them was sure what to do or say.

"Bella," Jacob began slowly, "you know we can't."

Bella looked at him incredulously.

"What? I thought this is what you wanted?"

Jacob grasped her hands, and closed his eyes. His jaw flexed and he sucked in a chest full of air as he tried to figure out what to say to the woman in front of him. The woman he had loved for so long.

"It is what I want, you've always been the only thing I've ever wanted, Bella. There's no better feeling than what I feel now, but-"

"But what?" Bella interrupted.

"Edward," Jacob said shortly.

Bella's eyes widened.

Truth be told, she had forgotten about Edward. The only thing she could think when she came through that door was how much she wanted Jacob.

Jacob dropped Bella's hands and walked around her as he paced her room with his hands on his hips. He brought one of his hands up and wiped his face tiredly.

"As much as I hate him, as much as he disgusts me...it's not right," Jacob continued painfully, "I envy him every single day of my life because he has you...officially has you, and I kill myself every time I lie to my heart and tell it that one day I'll have you."

Jacob walked over to Bella and held her face between his hands.

"I'm killing myself Bella Swan, slowly but surely."

Jacob's eyes were brimming with tears, and Bella could feel her heart aching. The last thing in the world she wanted was to see Jacob cry, and it was worse because she knew that she was part of the reason.

"Jacob," Bella began, but she couldn't finish. She didn't know what she was supposed to say to him.

She could taste the bitterness of guilt rising in her throat as she began to think about how she had treated Jacob, and just cheated on Edward. She couldn't help but feel like she was the most horrible person alive.

"Bella, I came here to apologize to you. I wanted us to be friends again," Jacob said softly, "I knew that I couldn't continue to go for days without seeing you or talking to you."

Bella felt her heart lift slightly.

_So it bothers him too? He wants to be friends with me after all._ She thought hopefully.

"Jacob, I've missed you," Bella said shakily, "there's no way I can keep going if I don't have you in my life."

Jacob laughed shortly.

"I came here because I wanted us to be friends again," he said sadly, and shook his head, "but, I'm kidding myself. I could never be friends with you."

Jacob opened Bella's window and, without a second look at her, jumped down landing in the muddy yard below.

Bella rushed to the window frantically, and hung half of her body outside clutching the window frame for support.

"Jacob! Jacob wait please!" Bella screamed into the storm as she watched him disappear into the trees next to her house.

She continued to scream until her throat was raw, but she fell to her knees, bruising them on the hardwood floor when she realized he wasn't coming back.

She had lost everything.

Edward was gone because of her, and now so was Jacob. Sobs shook her as she cried helplessly. Rain was pouring through the open window, and it seemed to be mocking her. She couldn't blame it.

She deserved it.

***Jacob's POV***

The mud splattered up Jacob's legs as he jumped from Bella's window and landed in her yard with a _thud_.

Jacob ran away from Bella's house; forcing himself not to look back.

He could hear her calls from the window. She was begging him to come back and not to go, but he knew this was for the best.

He shook the image of Bella, soaking wet and crying, from his head.

_I will not cause her any more pain...I will not cause her to cheat on the bloodsucker, no matter how badly I want her._ He thought determinedly.

He didn't remember arriving at home, nor did he remember punching a rather large hole in his bedroom wall.

All he remembered was her pleading voice, and the unforgiving rain.


	8. Chapter 8

***Note: **_Thanks once again for some wonderful feedback! I love hearing from all of you! I'm trying so hard to get these chapters out to you guys so you won't have to wait too long. I may not be able to update for a few days after this one, but we'll see. Once again, this chapter is on the short side, but it felt like a comfortable place to stop. The next one will definitely be longer. Don't forget to review please! Enjoy :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight or Twilight related.**

* * *

-Chapter 8- "Change in the Weather"

* * *

***Still Jacob's POV***

Jacob woke up the next day to a stream of sunshine that came through a crack in his curtains. He closed his eyes against the light, but this sunlight was the kind that burned through your eyelids.

He growled at the sunlight and rolled over on his side.

A night without sleep was evident on his face. He was so tired, but he couldn't manage to sleep more than a few minutes at a time.

Every time he closed his eyes and began to drift away he would see Bella there; with a pained look on her face and reaching out for him. The dreams of her were continuous all night long.

He wanted to console her, to tell her that everything was okay, but he knew that was a lie. Jacob was making a vow not to lie to himself ever again. He had to accept the fact that even though he loved Bella; he simply couldn't have her.

He didn't want to be known as "the guy that stole some other guy's girlfriend", and he didn't want to help Bella cheat on Edward because he knew he'd never forgive himself. If Bella wanted him, he wanted it to be her decision.

So Jacob lay there wallowing in his own misery; until his door swung open and Billy came rolling in.

"Son?" Billy said curiously.

"What?" Jacob replied, but he was hardly listening.

"You care to explain why there's a hole in your wall?"

Jacob sat up and looked over at his father, then scanned the room. His brow wrinkled in confusion when he saw a large hole in the wall next to his window.

_Huh...well, at least I didn't hit the window._ Jacob thought.

Billy cleared his throat,

"Well?"

Jacob shrugged, then laid back down on his mattress.

"I'm clumsy I suppose."

"Uh-huh," Billy said in disbelief, "well, you think you can manage to make it to the kitchen for breakfast without knocking the door from it's hinges?"

Jacob knew that his dad was trying to lighten the mood, but he wasn't up for joking. He wasn't even in the mood for breakfast; which was bad because usually he had an appetite that consumed the entire kitchen. Being a wolf was bad enough, but the appetite that came with it was never satisfied. Jacob was usually always hungry.

"I'm not hungry," Jacob said quietly and pulled the sheets over his head to block out the sun and any conversation from his dad.

There was a long silence, then Jacob could hear the sound of Billy's wheelchair turning around and making it's way to the door.

"If you change your mind, you know where the food will be," Billy said, "me and ol' Charlie are going on a little fishing trip...the weather is supposed to be nice all day. I'll be back later on tonight."

Jacob grunted in response, and Billy once again went to exit the room. Jacob wasn't at all surprised when he heard Billy once again stop and turn the chair around to face where Jacob lay.

"Since it's so nice, maybe you should call Bella. I'm sure she'd love to go have some fun at the beach."

"No thanks...I'd much rather not." Jacob said through gritted teeth.

Billy shrugged, and left the room. Jacob sighed loudly after the door was shut.

Jacob decided that he'd stay in bed all day. He didn't feel like talking to anyone, especially not Bella.

The more he thought about her, the sadder he became.

Eventually, he pulled the covers up as far as they'd go, and hid his face in his pillow. He hoped it would block out the sunlight and maybe he could get some rest.

And he really hoped that it would soak up all of the tears that he didn't trust his eyes to hold back any longer.

***End Jacob's POV***

"Bella, I'm going out with Billy. You need anything before I go?" Charlie asked.

Bella looked up from her cup of coffee as she sat at the kitchen table. She knew that her dad could tell something wasn't right. He had a knack for that sort of thing. Bella could tell that she looked like a train wreck.

Every since the events that happened between her and Jacob yesterday, she had felt horrible. She didn't sleep not even an hour last night, and the bags under her eyes gave her away.

"No thanks, dad...I'm good," Bella replied and gave Charlie a small smile.

It was her way of giving him false assurance that she was fine and not to push the subject. She shifted her eyes to the window and noticed how much the weather had changed in just a few hours.

The sun shone proudly, the sky was blue, and it was almost like the outside was calling her. She could almost bet that it was nice and warm outside, but she didn't feel like finding out...not today.

Charlie cleared his throat, he did that a lot when he was unsure of what to say next.

"Well, um, it's a beautiful day out. You should enjoy it, maybe tanning. Isn't that what girls do?"

Bella almost snorted with laughter, and shook her head quickly.

"Um, dad. In case you haven't noticed, I'm like paper," Bella held up her pale arm.

"Right," Charlie mumbled, "well, see you later tonight."

Charlie picked up his tackle box and exited the house. Shortly after Bella heard his car crank up, and pull out of the driveway.

The house was totally quiet now, and Bella was glad.

She wouldn't have to hold a conversation with anyone today, and that was a good thing. Bella lifted her coffee to her lips and took a sip. Her nose wrinkled and she made a small sound of disgust.

She hated coffee, but she had to wake up somehow.

Last night had mentally exhausted her, and she was literally ready to collapse. She tried to drink more of the vile black liquid in her cup, but gave up and poured it down the sink. Looking around the house she realized that there was absolutely nothing to do, but then she remembered the picture box in her room.

Bella climbed the stairs, went into her room, and pulled the box of pictures onto her bed with her and began to sort through all of them. She had the Edward pile, the Jessica pile, the family pile, and then the Jacob pile.

When the box was empty she discarded it on the floor next to her bed, and looked over her work. Most of the piles contained maybe ten pictures; all of them except Jacob's pile.

Bella picked up the Jacob pile slowly and began to sift through the pictures.

She had never realized how handsome Jacob is. Sure, Edward was perfect in every single way, but it was an unnatural perfection. Edward was never dirty, his hair was perfect, his skin was smooth, he was organized and on time at all times.

Jacob was imperfect.

He was rough, playful, he had so many weird habits. His jeans were almost always covered in car grease from working in the garage, his hair was sometimes tangled, and his hands were calloused from working on things, but that was what made him Jacob.

_My Jacob._

Bella wiped her eyes hastily with her hand, and shoved all of the pictures off of her bed. They twirled and twisted in all directions as they landed on the floor.

Again Bella began to think about her talk with Jessica. She had openly admitted that she couldn't live without him, and here she was trying to do just that. Her heart was paying dearly for her mistake.

Bella jumped up off of her bed and pulled on her shoes. Looking in the mirror she decided that she was a wreck, but she didn't have the time to put effort into her appearance. She raked her fingers quickly through her hair, grabbed her keys, and headed down the stairs.

"I have to talk to him. I can't stand this anymore," Bella said out loud, and opened her front door.

Outside the weather was perfect. Nice, sunny, and warm.

She locked the door behind her, got into her truck, started the ignition and headed for the reservation.

***Jacob's POV***

Jacob didn't remember that walking was so hard to do, but he practically had to reteach himself just so he could walk to the bathroom.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror above his sink.

"You look like shit," Jacob told his reflection, and turned on the cold water.

He leaned down, catching the water in his hands and splashed it on his face. Then he took the edge of the tank top he was wearing and dried his face.

He was just about to crawl back into bed and continue his pity-fest when he heard a vehicle outside his house.

_It's probably just Charlie...maybe dad forgot something and Charlie's bringing him back. If it's Quil then I'm not going to the door._ Jacob thought and crawled back under his covers.

He lay on his back and put his hands under his head and stared up at his ceiling.

"What am I going to do? This is so ridiculous," Jacob said quietly to himself and shook his head.

Footsteps were making their way to his room, and he was praying that Billy hadn't told Charlie to come talk him out of bed. Jacob chuckled at the thought. Charlie wasn't the conversation type.

Jacob's bedroom door opened slowly. He didn't bother to look at the foot of his bed; if it was Quil he knew he'd better brace himself for impact because Quil would more than likely jump on him.

A few moments passed and nothing happened. Jacob opened his eyes and looked down past his feet, and saw the one person he was trying to forget.

Bella stood there, tears streaming down her eyes. Her lips were quivering, her hair was a mess, and she still had on pajamas, but Jacob didn't think that she could be more beautiful.

His heart was pounding dangerously in his chest as he stared at her. For a moment, he thought he'd fallen back to sleep.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice was shaky and unsure.

Bella walked slowly to the foot of his bed and Jacob sat up slowly to meet her gaze.

She shook her head and laughed nervously. The tears on her cheeks glistened and made her sparkle in the sun that came through his window.

"It's always been you Jacob," Bella said through her tears.

"It's always been you."


	9. Chapter 9

***Note: **_Sorry it took me so long. Forgive me! I hope you enjoy this chapter, yes it is a lemon. I'm trying to decide whether to end it here, or keep going. I'll have to think about it. Please review! Enjoy :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight or Twilight related.**

* * *

-Chapter 9- "Passion"

* * *

Jacob had to remind himself to breathe.

Bella stood before him, confessing to him the one thing he had always dreamed of hearing. Now that he had heard her say that she cared for him, it seemed so surreal. Could she actually care for him?

All he could do was lay there completely dumbfounded. The fast breaths that were moving over his lips were drying them out, and he licked them subconsciously as he tried to find the right words to say.

"Bella," Jacob began, but he was quickly silenced by Bella flinging her small frame on top of him.

The air was forced out of his lungs as he was thrown back against his bed. Then Bella, so beautiful and anxious, covered Jacob's lips with her own.

Jacob's eyes were wide. He was hoping that it wasn't a dream.

_It feels real, holy shit can this be real?_

Deciding that it was real, he brought his hand up to Bella's tear streaked face and kissed her hard. The passion was making him dizzy, not to mention a little excited below the waistline.

Bella kissed her way down Jacob's neck, and tangled her small fingers in his hair. Jacob growled softly; the vibrations could be felt by Bella as she nibbled at his neck and she moaned in spite of herself.

Jacob could feel himself getting harder with every kiss that this woman laid upon his overheated skin. His internal thermometer had to be off the charts; even for a werewolf.

He flipped Bella under him, causing Bella to giggle a little as she became pinned beneath Jacob's large form. Jacob gazed down at Bella with lust filled eyes. The passion hung thickly in the air making it nearly impossible for either of them to think of anything else but each other.

"Bella," Jacob said quietly, "why are you here?"

Bella raised her eyebrow and raised her hips up to his and ground them against his erection.

Jacob gritted his teeth and breathed in sharply.

"I thought it would have been obvious as to why I'm here, Jacob Black," Bella said seductively, "will you deny me?"

Jacob grabbed a handful of Bella's hair and licked his way up her neck. He put his lips next to her hear.

"You're playing with fire Miss Swan."

Bella smiled mischievously, and turned her head to face Jacob.

"I don't mind getting burned."

With that Jacob plunged his mouth to hers, their teeth gnashing together in unbridled lust. Jacob ran his hand under Bella's shirt slowly until he let his calloused fingers come to rest on her bare breast.

"Mmm," Bella moaned lightly.

His fingers ran over her nipple, causing it to peak. Jacob decided that he'd rather see more of her, and began to peel off her shirt.

Bella removed her arms from the sleeves, and lifted her head as Jacob gently pulled away the garment and discarded it carelessly on the floor.

Bella then took it upon herself to kick off her shoes. The sneakers fell with a _thud_ to the floor below.

_I can't believe this. _Bella thought. _I never knew I wanted this so bad, but I want him. I have to have more of him._

She was lost in him...drowning in him.

His beautiful eyes, his rippling muscles, his taste; all of it had her. She wanted Jacob to dominate her, to make her scream and forget about all of the things that haunted her mind.

_I want to forget Edward._

Jacob gazed down at Bella. He ran his hand slowly down her chest, stomach, and let his fingers hook underneath the band of her pants.

Bella's breath stopped. No one had ever seen her naked before. Nervousness piled up in her throat, and she could feel her face becoming redder with each passing second.

Jacob glanced up at her face. His eyes were full of lust, but you could still see the care and concern that he held for her.

"Bella," Jacob said softly, "we don't have to, really."

Bella simply shook her head, lifted her hips, and allowed Jacob to remove her pants. The only thing that covered her now was a pair of black cotton panties.

"You're so beautiful," Jacob breathed.

Bella laughed shortly, and shifted her eyes nervously around the room.

"I know you're nervous Bella. I am too," Jacob said and reached up to stroke Bella's cheek, "but this feels right to me. I'm going to ask again, if this doesn't feel right to you then tell me. I have to know what you want."

"Touch me," Bella said throwing Jacob off guard.

"W-what?" he stammered.

"You wanted to know what I want...I want you to touch me Jacob."

Jacob smiled, and ran his fingers sternly across Bella's crotch causing her to bite back a moan. He leaned down and licked across one of her nipples, and began to rub Bella's pussy through her damp panties.

Bella raked her nails up Jacob's muscular back causing a growl to rumble deep in his chest. She reached down between them and rubbed her hand cautiously over Jacob's erection. He bucked into her touch; Bella grinned naughtily, and repeated the action.

Jacob then pulled the band of her underwear down, and slid his fingers inside of her underwear.

The heat of her was making him dizzy, and the scent was driving him to the brink of insanity.

He moved his fingers down until they were resting on Bella's most intimate of places, then he let them dip between the moist folds and ran them softly across her clit.

Bella arched up from the bed and gasped.

"Jesus Jake," she breathed through clenched teeth.

Jacob went to her neck and kissed her below her ear.

"You are so fucking wet for me Bella," he growled and pushed a finger inside of her smoldering core.

Bella moaned at the pleasant intrusion, encouraging Jacob to keep going. Jacob began to pump the digit in and out of her slowly, then he inserted another.

"Ah, Jake don't stop," Bella moaned.

Jacob looked up at Bella's face. It was the most erotic thing he'd ever seen. Her face was contorted in pleasure, her eyes were closed, and her mouth draped open slightly. Bella's breaths were coming in pants. He could feel that she was getting close.

Just as Bella was about to hit her climax, Jacob withdrew his fingers from her completely. He laughed softly when Bella growled in protest.

Bella watched, mesmerized, as Jacob brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean of her juices. This single action sent a jolt of arousal straight to her crotch.

"Mmm," he mumbled, satisfied, and moved down to position himself between her legs.

Jacob gazed up at Bella who's eyes were watching him curiously. He didn't remove his eyes from her's as he opened his mouth and licked sensuously up her still covered crotch, eliciting a delicious sound from Bella's throat.

He turned his head and planted kisses all over her inner thigh, nipping lightly at some of the tender flesh.

Deciding that he was tired of the panties being in the way, he sat up and pulled them slowly down Bella's creamy legs. Bella's face was red with embarrassment, and her first instinct was to cover herself, but before she could do that Jacob had replaced the panties with his mouth.

He licked Bella's clit roughly, sending her slamming back against the bed with a whispered profanity.

Jacob smirked.

"You say something Bells?"

Then he continued, swirling his tongue teasingly around her pearl and sucking on it lightly. He felt Bella's fingers grab his hair tightly as she held his head in place. Jacob brought his fingers up, coating them with her fluid, and pushed them inside of her.

"Fuck," Bella cursed as she squirmed under his erotic assault.

His fingers moved in and out of her quickly, building her up again. Bella could feel it coming. The muscles inside of her began to slowly pulse.

"Oh Jake, harder, oh god..." she screamed.

"That's it Bella, scream." Jacob encouraged.

Every muscle in her body seemed to contract as her orgasm washed over her. It was pure bliss.

Jacob stood up smirking. He was apparently very proud of himself.

Bella looked up at him. She sat up determinedly, jumped from the bed, and dove for his lips. Jacob staggered back and slammed roughly against his bedroom door. Bella's fingers were on his shorts.

She looked up at him with heavy lidded eyes and licked her lips.

"You've had your fun," Bella said seductively, "now it's my turn."

Bella pushed down Jacob's shorts until they pooled around his ankles. He wasn't wearing any underwear.

"Commando Jacob?" Bella smirked.

"Are you complaining?" Jacob replied.

Bella reached down and grabbed his erect, and rather large, member. She smiled when she saw Jacob's eyes slip closed and his head rock back against the wall.

"Nope," Bella finished, and began to stroke Jacob gently.

Jacob groaned, and his hands clutched Bella's smooth hips tightly, pulling her close against him.

Bella distantly thought that the heat Jacob was producing was the equivalent to the sun.

She continued to pump Jacob's length; enjoying all of the sounds that she was hearing come from his lips. Then, to Jacob's surprise, Bella dropped to her knees and took Jacob into her mouth.

Bella had never done this before, but judging from Jacob's filthy language, she was doing an okay job. Her tongue danced and flicked over the head of his member. Jacob brought his hand around to the back of Bella's head and lightly grasped her hair. He guided her head back and forth on his length.

She tried to take as much of him as she could, and brought her hand up to stroke whatever wouldn't fit in her mouth. Hearing Jacob moan was causing Bella to get wet all over again.

"I'm so close," Jacob said quietly.

Bella could feel him stiffen even more. Then she pulled away from him and stood up.

Jacob turned Bella until she was pressed firmly against the wall, and reached his hand down to rub Bella's clit once again.

Bella was sure that the rough wall was putting splinters in her back, but she didn't really care.

"What do you want right now Bella Swan?" Jacob said huskily and nibbled on her neck.

"Ahh," Bella moaned, "I want you."

"You want me to do what?" Jacob said and pushed his fingers inside of Bella once again, moving them in and out of her dripping entrance.

"I want you to fuck me Jacob Black."

Jacob didn't waste any time. Reaching around and grabbing Bella's ass, he pulled her upward and pushed himself inside of her.

Bella screamed at the new feeling, and bit down on her lip. Jacob's eyes were rolled into the back of his head as he struggled to remain still. Sweat began to form on his forehead and chest causing pieces of his hair to stick to him.

"Oh god, please Jacob," Bella moaned.

"Please what? You want me to stop?" Jacob said alarmed.

"No," Bella said shaking her head, "I want you to fucking move."

Jacob pulled out of her slowly and plunged back into her. Her breasts bounced beautifully with each thrust. He continued to pummel inside of her, slowly building up speed.

He buried his head in the side of Bella's neck and groaned.

"You are so tight Bella."

Bella could only moan in response. Jacob was so big, and the feeling of him stretching her was indescribable. She wanted more.

"Jacob, harder please," Bella begged.

Jacob took her away from the wall, and brought her over to the bed where he lay her on her back and rammed into her mercilessly. The bed creaked in protest, but Jacob didn't stop.

Bella reached down to rub circles on her clit while Jacob moved in and out of her.

"I'm going to come," Bella breathed.

Jacob grabbed her hips, and slammed them forward to meet his thrusts. This sent Bella over the edge, and she came screaming his name at the top of her lungs.

Jacob continued to pound into her causing Bella to ride out her orgasm.

"I love you Bella Swan," Jacob said through clenched teeth as he came hard inside of her.

After a few minutes, Jacob pulled out of her and pulled her up into his arms. Bella couldn't help but feel like this was how things were supposed to be. Maybe she was supposed to be with Jacob.

She didn't want to think of what tomorrow would bring, and she didn't want to think of all the consequences of her actions. All she wanted was to lay here with Jacob. She looked up at him. His hair stuck to him from the sweat and his chest rose and fell rapidly as he breathed.

Jacob could feel Bella's stare on him. He looked down at her and grinned sleepily. No words were said. Jacob reached over and pulled a quilt over top of them.

Bella snuggled into him, and they fell quickly into a sex induced sleep.

Outside of Jacob's window, someone had been watching, and if he had been able to rip Jacob apart he would have.

_The treaty won't always protect you._

His golden eyes burned with anger.


	10. Chapter 10

***Note: **_I know it has been far too long, and I feel terrible for making all of you wait! I've been dealing with a lot lately family deaths, no internet, etc. I hope this will make it up to you (or at least keep you from killing me). Again, I sincerely apologize for the lengthy delay in chapters. Thank you for the continuing reviews and emails that i'm getting, they are lovely. I try to reply to each one, if I ever missed you i'm sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter, even though it's a bit short :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight or Twilight related.**

-Chapter 10- "Feeling way too damn good...at first"

Bella woke up with the sun shining warm on her face. She smiled to herself as she remembered the events of last night, but then winced when the sore muscles and bruises kicked in.

"Ouch," Bella whined as she turned over on her side.

"Hope I didn't put you out of commission for too long. I could really go again."

Bella opened one eye slowly and nearly drooled. Jacob was leaning casually against the doorframe with his hands tucked into a faded pair of jeans. His hair hung wet on his shoulders and chest.

_He must have just taken a shower._

Small drops of water were rolling from the ends of his hair down his tanned skin and disappearing on the wasteline of his jeans. He was making her thirsty.

Speaking of jeans...Bella just realized she was naked.

She sat up quickly, clutching the quilt to her chest and looked around the room.

"Uh, Jake," Bella said curiously, "Where are my clothes?"

Jacob laughed and dismissed her question with a wave of his hand. He closed the door, and his bare feet padded across the wood floor as he came to sit on the edge of his bed.

"You don't need clothes, Bells."

Bella stared at him flatly.

"I need my clothes Jacob Black."

"Well that's tough," Jacob said casually and receiving a raised eyebrow from Bella.

"Why's that?" She replied.

Jacob shrugged, "Because they are in the washer."

Bella's eyes bulged from her skull.

"Real perfect Jacob! Now what do you expect me to wear?" She fumed.

Jacob smirked and opened his mouth to issue a smart ass reply, but never got the chance. The bedroom door swung open nearly causing Bella to jump out of her skin.

"Sorry i've been gone so long son, me and Charlie were really catching some serious fish and-" Billy stopped speaking and gawked at the spectacle in front of him. Jacob's eyes were wide as saucers, and Bella was the darkest shade of red that any human could possibly be.

"Hey Billy!" Came a deeper voice from down the hall followed by heavy, bootclad footsteps.

_FUCK! CHARLIE!_

A squeak came from Bella as she looked around the room frantically for a place to hide herself.

But it was too late. Charlie's smile disappeared from his face and his mouth closed. All Bella could do was shift nervously around behind Jacob's form and force a small smile.

"Hi dad," Bella said in a small voice.

Billy looked up at Charlie's face, cleared his throat, and backed his wheelchair out of the room. Then he quickly retreated down the hallway. Charlie stood there in shock for a few more seconds.

"Well uh...yep," Charlie then turned, looking much like a soldier, and stumbled down the hallway behind Billy.

It was almost like Jacob had been electrocuted as he got up quickly and slammed the door. Bella heard the lock "click" safely, and then she shifted her teary eyes to Jacob's shocked face.

"Well, thank God it wasn't akward," Jacob said and smiled nervously.

"I feel like i'm going to throw up," Bella said grabbing the quilt tightly around her and standing up. She then made her way to the bathroom which was right outside Jacob's bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Jacob sighed and rubbed his face with his hands.

"Great." Jacob mumbled to himself.

He walked over to the window and looked outside. It was sunny. Light was pouring over everything in his yard, and he could swear that there wasn't a shadow anywhere to be seen. Something white caught his attention.

It was a small piece of paper taped to his window. He scrunched his forehead in confusion, unlocked his window, slid the glass upward and grabbed the paper.

It was thin, almost like tissue, and folded twice.

_This better not be Quil telling me he taped me having sex last night. I'll kill him._

But the bit of writing that he could see through the folds didn't look like Quils. Jacob unfolded it and smoothed it out. Jacob's gut clenched tightly.

The writing was elegant and thin. It appeared to be centuries old, but the words written on it were a new threat.

_**Consider the treaty broken. -E.C.**_

Jacob knew this was too good to be true. He crumpled the note up in his hand.

"If the leech wants a fucking war, then that's what he'll get."

Slinging the ball of paper angrily on the floor, Jacob stormed out of the room. He didn't even bother with shoes or a shirt, he had a feeling he wouldn't even need them.

***Bellas POV***

She felt like shit.

Charlie, her father, her caregiver, had just seen her naked in a boy's house...better yet in a boy's bed!

She knew that Charlie would more than likely murder her when she got home. Bella looked down at the toilet, and flushed the contents of her stomach down.

Bella cracked the bathroom door slightly and peeked out to make sure that Billy and Charlie weren't anywhere around.

_Not like it would matter now._

Bella thought.

After making sure it was safe, she shuffled across the hall. The quilt kept getting wrapped around her feet and she was surprised that she didn't fall.

"Jake?" Bella said and looked around the room dumbfounded.

_Where'd he go?_

Shrugging, Bella sat down on the bed with a sigh. Just as she was about to start thinking of a way to talk to Charlie, she noticed a balled up piece of paper on the floor. Bella knew that she shouldn't be nosey, but she bent down and picked it up anyway.

She tried the best she could to smooth out the deep creases so she could read the elegant script written across the paper.

Bella's heart stopped.

_No fucking way. Shit shit shit..._ Bella chanted in her head as she stood up and frantically looked for something to wear.

She scurried over to Jacob's closet and grabbed an olive colored t-shirt and a pair of drawstring gym shorts. They looked like pants on her, but at least she was clothed.

"I've gotta stop this," Bella said while she slid on her shoes and ran quickly out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

***Note: **_I know it's been ages. You thought i'd forgotten about you didn't you? :D Well, I didn't. I've been so busy that my writing has taken a backseat to my life. I've had a lot going on lately. I was struggling to find a way to end this story. I wasn't sure how to go about it, but I think i've done the right thing. I may end up writing a sequal to this since i've gotten so much positive feedback from it. I apologize for the very long wait, and I hope you enjoy the conclusion to "The Journal". Please review! Enjoy! -Orchid_

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight or Twilight related. I can only dream!**

-Chapter 11- Broken Heart

***Bella's POV***

I should have seen it coming. What did I think would happen? I had acted irrationally and selfishly; it was stupid of me to think that there would be no consequences.

All I could ever seem to do right was break hearts.

Jacob's heart was broken from me being in love with Edward, and Edward's heart was broken because I decided to go and give myself to Jacob. I was an erratic mess.

I wasn't sure where to look for Edward and Jacob, but I knew that if I found one I was bound to find the other. I just hope that it isn't too late.

"I'm so stupid," I said outloud...as if anyone was listening, or would listen for that matter.

I've officially ruined the only two good things in my life. Edward and Jacob.

***End Bella's POV***

Bella ran across Jacob's yard and into the forest. She didn't know where they were, but she was sure that when she got close that she'd hear them fighting.

All of a sudden, a sound like thunder came roaring up behind her. Turning, she saw massive wolves headed in her direction. She recognized the one in front as Sam, and put her hands up to gain his attention. The pack halted and Sam looked down at her, almost angrily.

Sam shifted from his wolf state, and his human eyes bore down into Bella's.

"You stand in our way Bella. Don't you think that your boyfriend has caused enough trouble without you slowing us down?" Sam said strongly.

"Wait. What are you talking about?" Bella said, confused.

Sam scoffed, "As if you didn't know. He broke the treaty. Passed onto our land, and now he has picked a fight with Jacob. It is our responsibility to sort out this mess...to end this vampire filthiness that has plagued our area for far too long."

The color drained from Bella's face. She could feel her blood run cold and her tongue felt too thick to speak.

"You can't do this Sam! It's just all a big mistake, it's my fault. Please..." Bella pleaded.

"Stand aside Bella, our quarrel is not with you," Sam said.

The wolves all growled, and Sam shifted back into his wolf form. Giving Bella a curt nod, he lept over her; followed by the rest of his pack.

Bella turned to watch them disappear swiftly into the forest.

"They're going to kill Edward..." Bella said softly, "and it's all my fault."

Breaking herself out of her daze, she ran in the direction of where the wolves had disappeared.

She was determined to stop this. Even if it meant sacrificing herself.

***Jacob's POV***

Finding Edward was the easy part.

The hard part was thinking about how I could do this in a way that didn't hurt Bella.

I could smell his scent all over the forest. I found him standing on top of a cliff that the tribe uses to go cliff diving. His back was turned to me, and his hands hung by his sides.

"Jacob. I knew that even an idiot like you could find me," Edward said smoothly.

He turned to face me and what I saw wasn't a good thing.

Edward's eyes were dark brown, nearly black. I knew that it meant that he hadn't fed in quite a while. His lips seemed almost blue, and his skin was chapped.

"Wow," I said mockingly, "you guys aren't lying when you say you MUST feed. You look like a walking pile of shit."

I sniffed the air loudly.

"Smells like it too," I added with a snide grin.

Edwards eyes flashed momentarily, but then returned to their normal stoic state. He walked closer to me and I had to force myself not to throw up from the smell.

Wolves are naturally repulsed by the smell of a vampire, but this was just rediculous.

He stopped when he was a few feet from me.

"You have taken something that is not yours, wolf," he warned.

I laughed shortly, "Correction...I _took_ nothing. She came on her own free will. I'd be an idiot to refuse something that i've loved since I was old enough to understand what love is."

Edward continued to stare emotionlessly.

"And besides," I continued, "you broke the treaty by coming onto our reservation uninvited. If you hadn't, then maybe you would have never seen me _taking_ anything."

"Well," Edward began pacing around me.

I watched him closely.

"That may be true. I did tresspass, but with good reason. Never the less, i'm glad you got here when you did."

I looked at him curiously, "Why's that?"

Edward grinned, his smile laced with poison, "It will give me time to kill you before Bella arrives."

My eyes went wide, and I felt my wolf take over.

I could feel the other members of my pack behind me. I also saw other pairs of golden eyes behind Edward.

It had begun.

***End Jacob's POV***

Bella continued to run in the direction of the wolves.

Up ahead she could hear talking, and she was relieved.

"They are talking it out, thank God," she said outloud through pants of breath.

But it was when the howls sounded that she began to panic all over again. She knew what that sound meant. It meant that the wolves were about to tear up shit. Bella pushed herself to run harder.

Without a second to spare Bella burst through the bushes and gazed at the scene before her. The wolves and vampires were a blur of fur and fangs as they zipped after each other in the clearing. Jacob was in the middle of it all, crouched into attack position. Edward was across from him, his hand raised and fangs extended.

A look of pure murder was in their eyes.

Not thinking twice, Bella closed her eyes and ran directly into the fighting. Her arms outstretched and tears flowing down her face.

She stopped only when she came in contact with a thick mass of fur and warmth.

Her Jacob.

Everything around her stopped as she hugged tightly to Jacob's neck. She could feel him shift as he went back to his human form.

His strong arms wrapped around her, and he sighed into her hair happily.

Bella looked up at him with tears falling from her eyes.

"Jacob," she stuttered, "don't do this please. It's my fault. It shouldn't be this way. I'm sorry."

Jacob blinked and shook his head as he smoothed her hair out of her face lovingly.

"It's not my decision Bella."

Bella let go of Jacob and turned to Edward, walking toward him slowly.

The members of the tribe, along with the Cullen family stopped fighting to watch with curiosity as Bella made her way over to a very pissed off Edward.

He gazed down at her. No longer with the love he usually held. This was the look of a broken heart. Bella could feel her heart ache at the sight of him.

Not only was Edward starving, worried, and stressed...he was also completely heartbroken.

Bella looked around her at the wolves and vampires...littered with bruises and cuts from fighting.

All because of her.

"Edward," she began nervously, "this isn't Jacob's fault."

"Nonsense," Edward spat. His eyes brimmed with bloody tears, "he took what wasn't his. He stole your virtue from you...FROM ME!"

Bella jumped at his raised voice. She had never heard him raise his voice at her.

"I didn't give him a choice!" Bella retaliated.

"There is _always_ a choice, Bella," Edward said through clenched teeth.

"You're right," Bella said, "and mine was to go and seduce Jacob. I took advantage of the feelings he had for me and used it to my advantage."

Edward shook his head and gazed up to the sky.

"It's true Edward!" Bella yelled.

"Do you know how many times he refused me? How much he told me it was wrong for him to be with me out of respect for you?" Bella continued.

Edward looked down at Bella again, then over at Jacob who's jaw was flexing as he stared heatedly at Edward.

"He...tried to refuse you?" Edward said quietly; almost in a tired way, "and you persisted."

Bella nodded. She was ashamed and embarrassed of herself. It wasn't like her to force anyone into anything, especially something like what happened with Jacob.

"Edward, you have been the perfect boyfriend. You've done nothing but love me and take care of me. You've been perfect...simply perfect," Bella said and put her hand on Edward's face.

Bella looked over at Jacob.

"Jacob is imperfect," she said simply.

Jacob hung his head, "I knew it was too good to be true," he mumbled.

"But Jacob's imperfect is my perfect," Bella continued causing Jacob's head to snap up in surprise.

"Edward you are perfect, but i'm not," Bella said honestly, "and though I love you, I don't love you like I love Jacob. Perfect is not for me Edward, but i'm sure it's exactly what someone else wants."

Edward's face was streaked with blood as he cried silently in the middle of the clearing. He looked so defeated that Bella couldn't help but feel terrible. Even Jacob looked a little sorry for Edward.

Bella looked behind Edward at Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett. They shifted nervously.

"I love you all. I really do, but this has to stop. It was my decision to do what I did. Jacob and his tribe shouldn't be punished for my actions," Bella said wiping tears from her face.

"Bella," Alice said with her tiny voice, "I love you. You are like a sister to me. I can never hate you for this. I can't hate someone for trying to find happiness."

"I won't lie. I don't like you very much right now," Rosalie said with her arms crossed, "I won't forgive you for what you have done to my brother...to our family."

Bella hung her head, and Edward turned to put his hand up to silence Rosalie.

"You're right," Edward said, "I guess i'm to blame too in all of this. I did tresspass on the treaty."

Edward looked up to gaze at the wolves.

"I offer my apologies," he said cooly, "and Bella if this is what you desire, it is yours. I swore to always make you happy. If it takes letting you go off into the arms of another man, then so be it."

"Well, it saves you from having to change me into a vampire," Bella said akwardly.

Edward chuckled briefly, "I suppose it does."

In the blink of an eye, the Cullens were gone.

No goodbyes, nothing.

Bella looked around, but saw no trace of them. It was like they were never there to begin with. The emptiness began to set in.

Dropping to her knees, Bella put her head in her hands and let sobs wrack her body.

Jacob kneeled down to take her in his arms. He looked over his shoulder and nodded at his pack, signaling that it was okay for them to leave.

"Bella," Jacob said softly, "don't cry, please."

"Make love to me Jacob," Bella said softly.

Jacob blinked in surprise. This was the last thing he had expected her to request.

It may seem rediculous to anyone else, but to Bella it made perfect sense. She needed Jacob...she needed him to repair the hole in her heart, and to replace the emptiness left by Edward's departure.

Jacob looked down at her and slowly brought his lips to hers.

The waves below crashed against the cliffside, and the sun had began to set as they made love to each other under the twilight sky.

Jacob finally had what he had always wanted.

And Bella finally had her Jacob.

-The End-


End file.
